I couldn’t wait to get back to swimming with my friends after treatment

How did you first discover that you had breast cancer?

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2018, after finding a pea-sized lump in my left breast. I had only started checking my boobs that year because of Sian.

Sian was my oldest friend. We’d grown up together and both trained as nurses. She self-diagnosed some symptoms, thinking that it was down to menopause and IBS, before realising it was cancer. She underwent extensive surgery and treatment but passed away just before Christmas 2017.

The last time I saw Sian, she made me promise that I wouldn’t ignore any cancer symptoms. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have checked my boobs. I wouldn’t have found my breast cancer early enough.

How did your treatment go?

When I found my lump, I was still wasn’t that worried. The consultant reassured me that it was Grade 1, meaning it was slow growing. I would have lumpectomy surgery and follow-up radiotherapy.

However, after that surgery, I was told that my tumour was Grade 3, aggressive, and it had already spread to the lymph nodes under my arm.

This terrified me. I knew I could now have cancer cells anywhere in my body. I needed further surgery to clear the lymph nodes from my armpit, then chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

My daughter Abbie came with me for my first chemo. I didn’t really know what to expect. Within a couple of hours, I had an awful headache and started being violently sick. I was admitted to hospital and stayed in for a week.

The side effects became more difficult after each treatment, and I was admitted to hospital numerous times. Following each cycle of chemo, I’d spend the first week in bed. By week 2, I’d make it down to the settee. By week 3, I’d try and get out with family and friends.

How did treatment affect your ability to stay active?

A few months before my cancer diagnosis, I had joined the Bluetits Chill Swimmers group and started sea swimming. The group was lovely, and we were fast becoming great friends.

I couldn’t swim during my treatment, though. I had a PICC line in my arm which I couldn’t get wet. But whenever I was strong enough, I’d join my friends on the beach.

I was struggling with lymphoedema in my left arm from the lymph surgery, and with peripheral neuropathy in my feet and hands as a side effect of chemo. But being by the sea with my friends really lifted my spirits.

I went on to have 5 weeks of radiotherapy. It burned my skin and left me with blisters and sores that were dressed daily for weeks after radiotherapy ended.

During most of my treatment I was too poorly to be active. I couldn’t even walk. Some days I had to crawl to my bathroom.

This impacted my mental wellbeing. I had a lot of time to think about myself and my life. But, almost in defiance of the situation, I kept planning for the future.

The day I was discharged from hospital from my surgery, I joined my friends for a swimsuit photoshoot in a local shop window. I had a chest drain in my side, but I hid it in a shoulder bag because I didn’t want to miss the shoot.

I’d been determined to remain positive, and on the whole I had done. But after completing my treatment, I started to struggle with my mental health. I was anxious and had panic attacks for the first time.

Facing your own mortality really changes you. I’ve found this saying to be true: you have 2 lives, but you only find the second one when your first life is threatened.

By the end of September 2019, I had finished treatment. I couldn’t wait to get back in the water and swim with my friends.

What challenges do you face now?

I’ve struggled with my mobility since I injured my back over 20 years ago, and a type of rheumatoid arthritis in most of my joints. I also have chronic pain and fatigue, after-effects of the chemo.

But I’ve learned to keep active in small ways. I enjoy gentle walking, accessible yoga and swimming. I’m lucky enough to live on the coast and I love being in the sea. The water helps my pain and gives me that awesome feeling of being weightless.

Some days it’s hard to maintain these activities. But I know that my body and mind benefit from them.

Do you receive support to stay active?

I’m extremely lucky to have supportive and loving family and friends. The Bluetits Chill Swimmers helped me immensely over the past 6 years, and the people I met there have become close friends. My family and many of my other friends have joined the group too.

I couldn’t be active without their support. I often need help getting changed for swimming, or an arm to hang onto when getting in and out of the water. My friends go above and beyond to help me, and swimming is so much more fun with a group.

What achievements are you most proud of?

I’ve been on adventures that I’d never have dreamed possible.

I pushed myself to take part in events like the 15km Swimathon and the Cool Mile swim in the lake at Tal Y Llyn, Powys.

Last year, I swam in a Global Bluetits Team at the World Ice Swimming Championships in Estonia. The water was around 0 degrees, and we had to help break the ice on the water each morning. I came last in my event, but I’m now ranked 259 in the world for 25-metre ice swimming.

It was extremely difficult for me to swim in such freezing water. Despite being in extreme pain from my hand and foot neuropathy, I wasn’t allowed to wear boots and gloves for the event. I’m now challenging the International Winter Swimming Association to allow accommodations for people with neuropathy.

In June last year, I was in the Bluetits relay team when we swam the English Channel. This was a huge challenge. I even needed help getting up and down the ladder on the boat. I know I’d be unlikely to have had such an opportunity without such supportive friends.

Finding a community to swim with has led me to become an extreme cold-water athlete and adventurer in my fifties. If I can do it, I feel like anyone can.

What would you say to others with a breast cancer diagnosis?

Be kind to yourself and take everything 1 day at a time. Everyone’s cancer journey is specific to them, so don’t compare yourself to others.

Some days will be good, some days not so good, and some days are honestly extremely dark. But it only takes a tiny crack to let the light in. Your family and friends will help you find those cracks.

Do whatever you feel you can do. One day your biggest achievement may be crawling to the toilet, another day it may be a walk or even a run  in the park. Some people will be able to stay active throughout their treatment. Just do whatever feels right for you.

I wasn’t prepared for navigating the end of treatment. I assumed that if I got there it would be very celebratory. It was, but it was also very difficult to take in.

While physical things gradually become easier after treatment, you have to take care of your mental health, too - there’s a lot to process.

You move so much closer to your own mortality, whatever age you may be. But you can use this positively to get the most out of every day. It takes time to adjust to these feelings and having a new way of viewing life.

I definitely think physical activity helps with this process. Cold water swimming gives me those mindful moments: you can’t worry because it feels like the water is cold enough to kill you. All you can do is shout and swear a lot.

Cancer is absolutely awful. Even the word brings so much fear. But for those of us who get to the end of treatment there is an awesome second life out there to be lived. I feel very lucky to have this chance, and I’m passionate about grabbing every bit of fun and love I can, every single day.

Before you start any vigorous exercise, talk to your GP or your treatment team. They can talk to you about the most suitable physical activity for you.