As men, we’ve got to be prepared to talk about breast cancer

When did you first notice something was up?

I’d never heard of men getting breast cancer before. Neither have almost all the men I’ve spoken to since. I assure you it's real and it doesn't just happen in the older generation (although the younger generation might think I’m old anyway).

I work in construction and one day, back in 2023, I had an accident. As I went to sit down, I felt a sharp pain on the right side of my chest. One of the sharpened pencils in my chest rig had penetrated through my T-shirt and was sticking into my nipple area.

This is where it all goes tits up - literally. After a week of keeping my wound clean and covered up I noticed a lump behind my nipple area. My first thought was that it must be bruising or a slight infection from the injury.

But over the next week it didn’t get any better. When my wife felt it, she was very concerned and told me to go to the doctor straight away. I’m very glad she did.

I went to the GP and got several rounds of antibiotics, but the lump kept getting bigger. My nipple was discharging blood and the lump behind it felt solid. I swear I could feel it growing inside of me.

So, headed down to my local hospital’s 24-hour emergency unit. The doctor there said they needed to investigate the lump right away as he thought it was breast cancer. It was shocking to hear that.

How did you get your diagnosis?

I got referred to the breast clinic for tests immediately.

First was the mammogram. I was a bit bemused about having one and felt a bit uncomfortable being the only man in the waiting area. But I knew there wasn't really any other option.

The mammogram machine had 2 glass plates where, if you were a woman, the breast would be put and squashed. Not me: I had to use all my force to push my chest into the machine. It basically pinched me, which was extremely painful, but that wasn’t the half of it.

As the pressure from the plates squashed the lump, it spurted blood all over the machine. I was very apologetic, but the nurse was so sympathetic and told me she’d managed to get an image they could use.

Second, the biopsy. This was a very uncomfortable procedure, with the 3-pronged grabber entering from the side of the chest. I felt it inside, slicing at the lump - horrible.

Third, the results. As soon as we arrived at my consultant appointment, we saw a Macmillan nurse was there too. My wife has incurable cancer, so we recognised the uniform straight away.

My wife broke down in tears. I welled up too, but I sat down opposite the consultant and said: “give me the news”. They diagnosed me with breast cancer and told me I had a lump 6cm in diameter. I was shocked at how fast it’d grown. The consultant explained that it was a very aggressive growth, grade 3 invasive ductal cancer.

Can you tell us about your treatment journey?

Now I had 2 options. Option 1: have a course of chemotherapy and see if the lump reduced in size. Then an operation, more chemo and a course of radiotherapy. Option 2: cut the lump out first, then have chemo and radiotherapy.

I chose option 2. I thought about how big it had grown in such a short time: how big it could get if that continued? So, I made the decision quite quickly - I think I even shocked my consultant.

I asked the consultant how many men came through the breast clinic and how many she’d operated on. I was shocked to hear that I was the second she’d seen in 25 years of working in that department. I felt a bit of a guinea pig.

Surgery was a very surreal experience for my wife, son and me. There were lots of emotions flying around.

First, I had to have a sentinel node injection. A radiographer injects a tracer into your breast, which travels through to the nodes that the cancer would drain into.

Soon after, my wife and I went to the hospital for the operation. It was so nerve-wracking for her waiting most of the day while I was under, but she was eventually allowed to come to the recovery ward to see me. I was awake and it had all gone as well as it could.

I stayed in overnight and I spoke to the doctors the next day. They told me they’d removed 4 lymph nodes, but they were all clear of disease and I could go home. Nurses would come to my house to follow up.

How was your recovery after the operation?

The nurses gave me monitoring equipment and went through everything with us. There were nurses and physios, all backed up by consultants.

We were a bit overwhelmed at first but grew to love this part of the service the NHS provided. It was very comforting having that support 24/7. Huge thanks to the whole Medway Smart Patient team. They gave me exercises for getting arm movement back after the surgery, which took a while as my chest still felt very tight.

However, after about 2 months recuperating, the worst part was about to begin.

The chemo was a course of 8 rounds of 2 types every 2 weeks. I shaved my hair off as chemo was going to make me lose it anyway.

Covid was still about, especially in the cancer wards, so we all had to wear masks and couldn't be accompanied by anyone. It was a very lonely experience.

The treatments were paclitaxel, epirubicin and cyclophosphamide, plus zoledronic acid to help my bones as the chemo drugs were screwing them up.

In between each treatment I had blood tests, line flushes, and consultant and dentist appointments.

After all that, I rang the bell to signal my chemo treatment was done. My deepest thanks to all the staff at the Galton Day Unit at Medway Hospital. They’re absolute superheroes.

Radiotherapy was next. I had 5 rounds which took about 10 mins to administer. All I can say is that it's like sun burn and it made me feel tired afterwards. I found it much easier than chemo, though.

How have you found life post-treatment?

After a bit more recovery time at home, I was getting restless. I’d been off work for 7 months, which felt mad. I usually panic about having a 2-week holiday, worrying about money etc.

I’m still recovering. My chest has had about a flat-hand-sized bit of meat cut out of it. I do miss my nipple and it still feels weird, with numbness around the area. But the scar is as neat as it could be, and I have about 95% of the movement back in my right arm. I still haven't got my strength back fully, but I’m alive.

What are your thoughts about having breast cancer as a man?

The stats for men surviving breast cancer are so much worse than for women. I think men just don't talk about it and try to soldier on - it’s stupid really, but we do. We should change this and be aware of our bodies.

That’s where the Men’s Virtual Meet Up (VMU) helped. My wife had been concerned that I had no-one to talk to who’d been through something similar, so when she heard about the VMU on a podcast she encouraged me to give it a go. I reached out to them and recently attended my second monthly Zoom meeting.

It’s nice to have a men-only support group where we can listen and bounce off each other. We talk about medications, side effects and, dare I say it, emotions (that can be rare for men).

There are men from all backgrounds: those who’ve been on their breast cancer journey for years and those who’ve been diagnosed more recently. I’ve come across a few in the same situation as me, and everyone seems positive.

I’d gladly recommend the VMU to another man who has experienced breast cancer. I look forward to our monthly virtual meet ups: it makes you feel like you’re not the only one. Though it’s a serious subject, there’s somehow an upbeat attitude with some laughter along the way. It can be a lonely world, but we aren't alone.

I want to say a huge thanks to my family for their support throughout my journey too, especially to my wife. She urged me to go to the doctors that day, and she’s a big reason why I’m still here. I’m very lucky.

Last but not least, I want to send my total respect to all the people that have or had breast cancer. You are all warriors in my book.