I want people to see that you can live well with a diagnosis

Please tell us about yourself

My name's Paula, I'm 51, and I've been living with ER-positive secondary breast cancer since July 2022. It's been a struggle, but I'm doing well. That's all you can do with secondary breast cancer - live well.

I have 3 children and I still work 3 jobs, one of which I started since my diagnosis. I love every minute. I believe you can still do something if you really, really want to do it, no matter the diagnosis.

I work for an arts and crafts company. I was teaching arts and crafts online workshops, but I was struggling with the coughing and needing the toilet constantly, so I now do admin from home. I’m an exam invigilator for a secondary school and a fully-qualified florist.

Could you tell us about your experience of getting a diagnosis?

I've already been diagnosed with primary breast cancer 2 months before, so it was less of a shock. The main things to deal with were - and are - the unknowns: what if the surgery hasn't taken the cancer away? What if I go downhill? How's it going to affect me in the future?

I tried to stay positive by breaking everything down into manageable sections: get the surgery done, get the treatment done, then get the chemo done. That helped me deal with it mentally and physically.

Then I was told I had secondary breast cancer. I never had anxiety and panic attacks before my diagnosis, but all of a sudden it just hits you.

I probably didn't deal with it very well emotionally. I still wanted to be the strong one. Internally, I was shouting at myself: “you can't let people see that you're weak”.

Eventually, though, I got my head around what it meant, that this wasn't necessarily the end. That's the key when you get a secondary diagnosis, I think. You can live long, and you can live well with it. And here I am today, 4 years later.

Can you tell us about your connection to Breast Cancer Now?

I first heard about Breast Cancer Now when my husband's auntie died of breast cancer 16 years ago. They supported her and us through that time. My middle son, who was 13 at the time, decided to climb Snowdon and raised quite a lot of money for the charity.

So, once I was diagnosed myself, I was always going to head towards Breast Cancer Now for support. There had been such a tough learning curve. My family are great and they do listen and try to understand. But because I look fine and I act fine most of the time, nobody realises quite what’s going on.

I wanted to go to a face-to-face group so I could talk with people who got me. I had a look on the Breast Cancer Now website and came across Living with Secondary Breast Cancer.

The first time I went, I was I was absolutely terrified and hardly spoke. But listening to other people’s stories, I saw that they really understood what it’s like to live with secondary breast cancer. They could make my experience of going through this horrid journey that little bit easier.

Now, it feels like a group of friends meeting up for morning coffee. It doesn’t have to be anything to do with cancer if you don’t want it to be.

We’re all at different stages of our diagnosis: some have had it a lot longer than I have, and some are newly diagnosed. We all help each other.

What motivated you to volunteer with us?

When I was able, I always wanted to give something back.

I wanted to raise awareness about what secondary breast cancer is and what it having metastasized to my lungs actually means. I've been asked if secondary breast cancer means you've got cancer for a second time. I've also been asked if I've got lung cancer, because my cancer's spread to my lungs.

I also think people need to understand that you can live well. Because as soon as I tell somebody I've got secondary breast cancer, they say “No, you haven't.” And I have to say “Yes, I have. Just because I look well, it doesn't mean to say that I'm completely fit and healthy. At the moment I’m fit and healthy to the extent that I'm getting on with life.

So, I want to help the charity through attending support groups and getting involved with Breast Cancer Voices. For example, at the moment I'm doing a survey for a university on the care offered to people with secondary breast cancer.

Why did you decide to get involved in our latest advertising campaign?

Again, it's because I want people to see that you can achieve so much even when you have an illness that is life limiting. You can still have goals, you can go out and get that dream job or you can socialise and do things. Life can still be so good.

And it's also a legacy for my children. To show them that mum didn't give up fighting. To show them that in the future, if they’re striving for something and I'm not here anymore, they can look back and say, “mum managed that. She didn’t give up, so I won’t either.”

As well as bringing something to people that need it, being involved in these projects is really good for my mental health.

It's been great meeting everybody. I didn't realise how many people are involved in a commercial! The whole experience has been really good fun.

You can read more from Paula about her journey in issue 48 of our Vita magazine.