We don’t get to choose what happens, but we get to choose how we face it

Tell us about your mum

My mum, Rekha, never let anything stop her. She was my hero.

I always remember one thing she used to say to me: “We don’t get to choose what happens, but we get to choose how we face it”.

She was the centre of our family growing up, keeping everything together. My dad died when I was 6 weeks old and she brought up me and my brother and sister on her own. She was a super-mum.

She trained to get a job after my dad died so that she could provide for us. Growing up I saw her doing everything for us. She sacrificed her life for her children. 

She was young. She could have remarried, but she decided she wanted to take the responsibility for her children and make them good humans.

I never knew my dad, so she was both mum and dad to me. And when I lost her, it was like losing both at the same time.

What are your happiest memories of her?

She never made me feel like I didn’t have a dad. Because I was the youngest and had no memory of my dad, she always made sure I felt special.

We used to have a Sunday routine where she would put oil in my hair. She would give me a head massage and tell me stories about her childhood growing up in a big family, swimming in the village pond with her cousins. That’s one of my fondest memories.

And, of course, her cooking. Especially the rice pudding she used to make every Sunday, which was so delicious.

How did you find out she had breast cancer?

I was 16 when my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. I remember I came home from school and she said, “sit down, I want to have a chat”. She explained she’d found a lump and needed to get it looked at.

She was working as an administrator in a private health centre, so she had access to all the medical facilities.

I still remember that day very clearly. To be honest I couldn’t understand what it meant then. It was only when she started going through different tests that I realised how big it was.

What was she like through her treatment and how did it impact you?

Even when she was going through her breast cancer diagnosis and treatment she stayed positive for us. She was incredibly brave.

Later on, after her double mastectomy, I was the point of contact with her doctors.

I didn’t think it was a challenge for me in any way, despite my young age. Because the only thing I wanted to do at that time was to make sure my mum was alright and that she had all the help and support she needed.

Looking back now I can see it had an impact, though. I lost interest in my studies and seeing my friends, all the things I used to do.

Can you tell us about losing her?

My mum was just 48 when she died of breast cancer. The same age I am now.

I couldn’t process it at the time. Being brought up in India, you have to focus on your studies, and there’s a lot of competition in getting set up in your career. This was all happening in parallel with my mum’s illness.

I lost her during the second year of my master’s.

It was devastating to lose her when I was 23, but I carry her strength with me every day.

What do you miss most?

I miss her every day. She couldn’t attend my graduation ceremony. She didn’t get to watch me build my life or meet my daughter, her granddaughter, Nandini.

She would have been 73 now. She could have done so many things in life. She could have travelled, spent time with her granddaughter, spent time with all of us making those special memories.

I miss her on every occasion I could think of.

Nandini is 20 now, and she reminds me of my mum.

My mum was very clear about what she wanted in life, her likes and dislikes, and my daughter is the same. My mum was very caring and social as well. She liked to host and cook food. These weren’t big events, but gatherings for close friends and family. Nandini is similar.

Why do you fundraise for Breast Cancer Now?

It’s been 25 years since my mum passed away. And I’m still hearing about breast cancer taking lives and impacting families.

I’ve been actively fundraising for Breast Cancer Now through running for the last 5 years. The charity is very inspiring to me because it is doing so much. It’s funding research into better treatments and providing support for patients and families. I want to help the charity so that hopefully fewer families will go through what we did.

Join us. Reserve their space. 

Throughout our Reserved campaign, we're reserving spaces for people lost to breast cancer. An empty chair, a place set, a sign left at a meaningful spot. It's a way of celebrating their memory, while showing the impact of every absence, and the urgent action needed to change the future of breast cancer.

If you've lost someone to breast cancer, you can reserve a space for them at a meaningful moment or place.